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Some people say that cats do not care about their humans, or that cats are cold and heartless. Both of these ideas are totally wrong and usually based on an assumption that cats should communicate with us the way dogs do (2, 3). But of course, they are not dogs, and cats show love in their own ways. Every cat has their personality and will communicate a little differently. That being said, here are some of the love letters your cat may be sending you.
Slow Blinks
One of the most important ways cats show love is with the slow blink, sometimes called the “cat kiss” or the “cat I love you” (1-5). This is when a cat looks at someone with half-lidded eyes and leisurely blinks at them (1, 2, 4, 5). The gesture conveys comfort, trust, and affection (1-5). That is because to cats, who are both predatory and prey animals, keeping their senses alert is imperative to staying alive in the wild (2). Therefore, slowly closing the eyes to another creature, a potential aggressor, is a signal of willing vulnerability (2). It says, “You make me feel safe.”
This is a form of cat communication that you can easily reciprocate. Soften your gaze, half-close your eyes, and slowly blink at your cat. Make sure not to stare–sleepy eyes only. Cats will sometimes return your slow blink.
Bunting
Also known as head butting or head bonking, bunting is when cats push the tops of their heads against that of a friend, be that friend cat, human, dog, or anything else (2-5). Cats have scent glands in their foreheads (2, 4). When your cat bunts you, they are mixing their scent with yours (2, 3, 4). This is a common social interaction among cats (2, 3). Cats build relationships by commingling scents, so this is a way they display affection (2-5).
Friendly Tail
Cats communicate a lot with their tails. A cat who is happy to see you will have their tail held high with a slight curve at the tip (1-3, 5). Flicking just the tip of the tail is a quick, friendly greeting (3, 5). This is a likely result of domestic cats’ ancestors living in dry grassland habitats where a tail held high to say hello would be visible above the tall grass (2).
Grooming
Another way cats show their love is through allogrooming, or grooming one another. Cats that have a bond use allogrooming to create a community scent and to relieve stress (3, 4). Your cat may groom you for the same reasons (3, 4). That sandpaper tongue may feel strange, but just remember that it’s a sign your cat cares about you.
Cheek Rubbing
You have probably seen your cat rub their cheeks against all manner of things in your home, including you. This is a scent-marking behavior, as another place cats have scent glands is in their cheeks (2, 3). Cheek rubbing declares ownership (2, 3, 4). Unlike more aggressive territorial behaviors, however, the cheek rub is a confident, friendly form of scent-marking that invites socialization (2, 3, 4).
Kneading
Kneading involves the rhythmic flexing and relaxing of a cat’s paws. Kittens knead against their mothers to stimulate the flow of milk. Adult cats often exhibit this behavior as well when they feel very content (1, 3). If a cat is making biscuits on your lap, you know they feel comfortable around you (1, 3).
Talking
Cats can make up to 100 different sounds, and they use some of them exclusively to communicate with humans (2). Chirps, trills, and meows are common sounds cats use to talk to their people (2, 3, 4). Some cats are more talkative than others, but almost all appreciate being spoken to (5). It makes them feel included (5). Another kind of kitty talk is purring. Cats purr for a variety of reasons, but one of them is to express security and contentment (1-5).
Vulnerability
When cats completely trust those around them, they are willing to exhibit vulnerable body language (2, 3, 5). Like the slow blink, these postures would put a cat at risk in the presence of predators or assailants. A cat that is stretched out is leaving themself exposed, thus showing that they trust you (3). An even greater display of trust is for a cat to roll over on their back and show their belly (2, 3, 5). Don’t take it as an invitation to a tummy rub–that’s a bridge too far for most cats (2). But it does mean that your cat feels very safe with you.
Works Cited
- Bowman Road Animal Clinic. (n.d.). Does my cat like me? 6 ways cats show affection. https://bowmanroadvet.com/2017/02/6-ways-cats-show-affection/
- Galaxy, J. & Delgado, M. M. (2017). Total cat mojo: The ultimate guide to life with your cat. Penguin Random House: New York.
- Johnson-Bennett, P. (n.d.). How cats show affection. Cat Behavior Associates. https://catbehaviorassociates.com/how-cats-show-affection/
- Krieger, M. (2020, January 1). How do cats show affection? Look for these 7 affection signs. Catster. https://www.catster.com/cat-behavior/how-do-cats-show-affection-cat-affection-signs
- Moore, A. (2001). The kitten owner’s manual. Storey Publishing: North Adams, MA.
Published March 13, 2022
